Wednesday, February 15, 2017
Dad and teen daughter are driving in a car in a wealthy neighborhood, casing houses for breaking in. Dad is explaining to daughter how the family only steals Apple equipment, because it's so easy to resell. Daughter is explaining to dad that she'd prefer to be stealing Linux computers. Dad is getting more and more exasperated in this conversation. Daughter explains to dad that the public library offers professional development workshops for crooks. Dad demurs, explaining, "They're just going to teach me how to steal Linux computers. I don't WANT to steal Linux computers. I don't want to refurbish Linux computers. I don't want to give away Linux computers to people who are needy. I just want to steal Apple equipment. That's all. Is that too much to ask?" On one of their break-ins, Dad catches daughter doing a software upgrade on a Linux computer. Daughter explains, "I just wanted to make sure they had up-to-date web browsers." Dad admonishes daughter, "You can't do system software upgrades during our house break-ins. You just can't. We're here to steal. Nothing more. Nothing less." Dad wrings his hands in despair.